You two were really in love, he was "the one", you thought. But then, for whatever reasons, you had that big ugly fight and one of you said "enough"! Now, you are miserable and all you can think about is that you want him and your relationship back together again. How could this have happened, he was the love of your life! Is he thinking of you, does he miss you, now what?
As miserable and regretful as you are, the actions you take now are critical to whether or not you can get your ex boyfriend back. All you can think about is staying in his head and heart. So, you wait by the phone to see if he is going to call. You stay home in case he decides to come and see you. You talk to your friends, or his to get their advise on the situation. You want to know if he has talked to them as well. It is a terrible state of limbo to be stuck in, and the less you know about what he is doing or how he is feeling, the more frustrated, scared, and desperate you become.
This is where you need to be careful of the "knee jerk" reactions to this situation, because they can send him even further away and jeopardize any chance of a reconciliation. If you are calling him too much, sending him e-mails, or text messaging him all the time, you can make him feel smothered. Another mistake you can make is trying to make him feel sorry for you. Weakness in this situation is not very attractive.
You are going to need to approach this differently. To begin with, don't contact him for a while and give him the impression you are just moving forward. By doing this, you can focus on new ways of improving your own life, gaining new self-esteem and self-assurance. This can also help take your mind off the relationship and the issues at hand.
The saying goes "absence makes the heart grow fonder" is true. During the time that you are moving forward, and he is not hearing from you, he may start to feel a shift in how he feels about you. He begins to wonder what you are doing, thinking and feeling, because you are not pursuing him. You are now becoming mysterious to him. He is thinking of you, and perhaps even missing you. Now you can look for the signs that your ex wants you back. He may initiate contact with you, ask your advise on a situation, or ask about you through your friends. So, go ahead and play a little hard to get (don't over do it) and let him make the first move. Perhaps meeting for dinner or a drink and some light conversation. Keep it simple, without rehashing the reasons for the breakup. A better conversation at this time would be discussing why you got together to begin with. This can help lead you to the connection and passion you had in the beginning. By placing yourselves back to the "good times", you may then be able to start working on the problems of the relationship and make it healthier than it was before.
